I'm back again:) Last night was really a painful one. I felt like crying and wanted a shoulder to cry on but there was just no one at all. Anyone I tried to confide in just didn't get the idea that I needed them by my side for that night and that call I made. Instead of just trying to reveal my insecurity, I vented my frustrations for no reason. I hated myself and all I did was just vent that "immature, babyish" anger on things and people who are close to me. I knew I had to finish up my 3 Chinese essays but I didn't in the end. As a result of having too much frustrations and thoughts, I only slept at 1:05am. And this pain of mine went on... ...
After school on Tuesday, Kevin met me at my house's bus stop. I came at the time when his bus just came, what a coincidence. Man, it really had been a long time since I last saw him. Seeing him with his laptop, I was emotionless again. As we walked into Lagoon View's compound, I thought listlessly again (lucky he didn't see that). I remembered when we sat at a pavilion at the BBQ compound, it was mosquito infested and both of us got bitten! We're mosquito-bite loaded. LOLS:) We loved tickling each other for the fun of it though. HAHA:) Of course, I'm Kevin's best tickler ever in this country (no laa, just kidding). Anyways, he tried finding my weak spot though. (Kevin, if you read this, the answer is that you haven't found it yet). LOLS:)
We're sick and tired of getting bitten by the mosquitoes so we went over to the block nearest to our side (besides my own block), we went to block 5000L. Whoa, the benches there were vacant and we settled down there. As we settled there, Kevin was a lil' tired and his head laid on my shoulder (it was a nice feeling though). HAHA:) As his head laid on my shoulder and hearing him whisper that my hair smelled lovely, I was totally speechless. I didn't know what to say and just grinned at him. I thought of those emotionless thoughts again, I nearly wanted to shed a tear, but I controlled myself. As he stared at me eye-to-eye, I was totally stunned. He wanted to know what was in my mind but I refused to tell him. All of a sudden, I had this feeling that he still liked me ( I didn't know why). I went so emotional that I put my head on his shoulder, trying to shed a tear but I still couldn't. I was indeed fed-up with life but I didn't tell him of course. I didn't want him to worry that I broke down before and I didn't want that to be seen in front of him. As my head laid on his shoulder, he touched my hair and gave me something (that's my secret). It was soothing indeed (thanks, Kevin.). Later, I heard something. He told me something but I shan't tell you! HAHA:) Later, I had to go back home as my mum was killing me for meeting a guy. Unexpectedly, I saw my sisters downstairs too. I didn't know what they're doing though and I just went home as I couldn't see Kevin off (so sad). When I got home, my mum was asking me all sorts of questions like who I met and crap laa. Whatever, I didn't seem to care.
Night was nearing, I went to call Kevin. LOLS:) Guess what he told me? My sisters were hiding in the bushes, wanting to take a photo of him. They're also trying to guess who he was. HAHA:) Gabby guessed correctly though. Nevermind, but I found the hiding thing dumb. LOLS:) Night fell, I had to do all my stupid Chinese essays. Just 3 essays in a day. How can I do that? Sighs, then all of a sudden, I went crazy!! I was LOONY! I went crumpling 4 pieces of paper just to write an essay. Later, I quarrelled with "little brother". I sorta found out about those trival things he kept from me and stuff like that. It reminded me of the silence I suffer in school. SOBS. During that time, I recalled what I thought during school time. My instinct said, "I couldn't cope with something that burdens me any further." I wanted to be free of control. This is when the ditch started and the friendly secret made its end... ...
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